Archive - Dec 2011 - Entertainment News Article
Fido is shopping.
â€śThe trick,â€ť he said, â€śis to find gifts that dogs themselves dig, rather than humans. Get it? Digging dogs?â€ť
Fido paused to lick his, um, belly. He lay near the table, dictating to me as I worked the Web on his behalf. His legs are as nimble as fence posts, and his paws just canâ€™t work a keyboard.
â€śYou have an actual strategy?â€ť I asked.
â€śWhy, yes,â€ť he said.
â€śI get it. You are a very clever dog, my good man.â€ť I gave him a pat and a scratch.
Fido closed his eyes halfway. He was in thought.
Fido does not pass gas.
â€śItâ€™s an untoward behavior,â€ť he said the other night. We lay in bed, ready for a long winterâ€™s nap. â€śItâ€™s no more acceptable than it is in humans.â€ť
â€śItâ€™s a good thing you think like that,â€ť I said. â€śOtherwise youâ€™d be outside.â€ť
We had just finished reading the long, long, l-o-n-g New York Times article about purebred dogs, especially bulldogs.
â€śInveterate farters,â€ť said Fido. â€śItâ€™s why I didnâ€™t mind that the Georgia Bulldogs didnâ€™t win. Not even the Superdome would be able to mitigate their behavior.â€ť
Fido is teaching me deep breathing.
â€śHey, hey, hey hey!â€ť
He lay on his side and invited me over.
â€śI have noticed that lots of humans donâ€™t quite get this,â€ť he said, â€śbut once you get the hangdog of it, itâ€™s easy and it will make you feel better.â€ť
I had just passed through a weekend of football â€” college and pro. During the Iowa-Nebraska game a week ago, I was a total wreck. I can handle a boring game if my guys come out on top, but alas, it was that kind of game and that kind of season.