Fido and Me - Cats

“Tell me about cats.”

“Gosh, Fido, there’s not a lot to say. And anyway, you live with Chief, and he’s a cat. Why don’t you ask him?”

“I don’t think Chief knows anything.”

“Sure he does. He has a brain.”

“It is the size of a walnut!”

“Fido, your own brain isn’t what I would call overwhelming.”

“But it’s bigger than a walnut.”

“I sense an unusual disdain in your voice. That’s always bad form. A cat has just as much reason to walk this Earth as you do. Everything fits together. Sometimes it’s a reach, I admit, but I believe that. Anyway, I like having Chief around.”


“He’s friendly.”

“So am I.”

“And he’s curious.”


“He’s not demanding, too much, either.”

“This is killing me.”


“This is the best you can do?”

“You’re not giving me a lot of time to think about this, Fido. You’re kind of catching me off-guard.”

“We could go for a walk and talk about it.”

“That’s a fine idea, Fido. Nothing like a walk in the autumn to get the brainwaves flowing.”

“I note that Chief never goes for walks.”

“He’s a cat.”

“You know why cats don’t go for walks?”

“Why’s that, Fido?”

“Because I don’t think they have brainwaves.”

“It’s not that, Big Boy.”

“Then what is it?”

“One of the reasons cats don’t normally go for walks is that other animals can catch them and eat them. Like coyotes. We have a lot of coyotes here, as you know.”

“There sure are a lot of cats up here, given that.”

“This is true.”

“I don’t understand that.”

“Gee whiz, Fido, there’s a bunch of stuff you don’t understand, just so you know.”

“But I want to know. I want to know why they have nine lives. I want to know why, when people are a little edgy, other people call them ‘catty.’ I want to know about this business with the Hot Tin Roof.”

“OK, Fido, you win. Cats are a mystery.”

“I also want to know how they ‘fit’ in the whole scheme of things.”

“That is a tall order, Fido. Maybe we’ll just re-visit this subject at another time, on a cold winter night, for example, when Chief is lying in front of the woodstove, all cozy and happy.”

“I can lie in front of a woodstove, too.”

“Fair enough, Fido. Anything else on your mind?”

“Tell me about Andrew Lloyd Webber.”