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Domestic Violence: Are you a victim? |
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Monday, 15 October 2007 |
By Laurie Hodge
Crisis Counselor/Educator
Wild Iris
Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. There may be times when a person is being abused, yet does not consider him/herself a victim, nor does he/she feel that abuse is actually occurring. Anyone can be a victim. Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status.
Domestic violence is often thought of only as physical violence, such as hitting; however, it can take other forms, such as psychological, emotional, financial or sexual abuse. Domestic violence is about one person in a relationship using a pattern of behaviors to control the other person. It can happen to people who are married or not; heterosexual, gay or lesbian, living together, separated or dating. The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while.
An important step to help yourself or someone you know in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing the warning signs listed in the “Cycle of Violence,” and be aware that the cycle can start at any phase and have variations in every relationship.
Tension Building Phase
∑ Abuser starts to get angry, picks fights, acts jealous, possessive and critical
∑ Abuser makes threats
∑ Abuser becomes moody, unpredictable
∑ There is a breakdown of communication
∑ Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
∑ Victim feels like they are “walking on egg shells”
∑ Victim may try to reason with the abuser
∑ Victim may keep silent, try to keep children quiet
∑ Victim may feel afraid or anxious
∑ Tension becomes too much
∑ Minor incidents of violence begin to occur
Explosion Phase
∑ Any type of abuse occurs
∑ Verbal Abuse
∑ Sexual Assault
∑ Physical Abuse
∑ Increase control over money
∑ Restrain partner
∑ Destroy property, phone
∑ Emotionally Assault
∑ Victim may experience fear, shock
∑ Victim may protect self and children
∑ Victim may call for help, try to flee, pray for it to stop
Honeymoon Phase
∑ Abuser may apologize for abuse, and promise it will never happen again
∑ Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
∑ Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims
∑ Abuser may give gifts to victim and ask for forgiveness
∑ Abuser promises to seek counseling
∑ Abuser may be affectionate, initiate intimacy
∑ Victim may hope that the abuse is over
∑ Victim may forgive and feel hopeful
∑ Victim may return home
∑ Victim may arrange for counseling
∑ Victim may feel manipulated or blame self
∑ Victim may minimize or deny abuse
The Honeymoon Phase will shift to the Tension Building Phase and the cycle will continue.
The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship, and will continue to escalate. Each stage lasts a different amount of time. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is present in all three stages. It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the Honeymoon Phase may disappear.
Battering is a choice. It is used to gain power and control over another person. Physical abuse is only one part of a system of abusive behaviors. Abuse is rarely a one-time event.
Remember: threatened or actual physical violence may be considered a crime. Protect yourself by calling 911 if you are in immediate danger.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799 SAFE (7233)
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-422-HOPE (4673)
Wild Iris 24 Hour Crisis Hotline
(877) 873-7384
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Last Updated ( Monday, 22 October 2007 )
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